Trying To Act Casual
Hello Fellow Princesses!!!
Nothing is Better Than the Rush of Dressing Like a Girl in Public and Trying to Hide It at the Same Time.
Yesterday (3/14/2018) was probably the best, and also scariest days of my life. Luckily, I'm able to go to a school that has a GSA (the GSA is a Gay/Straight Alliance for those of you who unfortunately don’t have one in your school). After talking with the main instructor of the GSA (which BTW is such a wonderful person that I can't thank enough for helping me through this all), I was finally ready to unveil my true self to the public (well at least to the GSA students); something that I’ve been waiting to do for over a year now.
So buckle-up friends, I’m about to take you on a Disney adventure through the magical world of being a semi-closeted transgender. Well okay, maybe this wasn’t the most magical or thrilling adventures, but to me this was as heart-pounding as when some of you came out to your parents (wish I could relate... 😞).
It all began with my great bi friend, which I’m not gonna name for privacy purposes, and for that, let’s just call her Jane. So anyway, she offered to help with my makeup. Now remind you, this is something that is pretty crazy for me, being in school dressed and with makeup on, but she had a plan. It was simple, right after the dismissal bell rang (and I mean right after), we ran across the street to the nail salon (and I mean literally, it was right across the street) to get my eyebrows waxed. This was really nerve-racking, considering I have never done this before, and was nervous about the results, and more importantly, if my parents would notice. But luckily, it looked beautiful!!! 🤗 So after that, we ran into the woods, where she helped me put on my makeup. This was actually pretty exciting, thinking about how it was going to look. I got pretty nervous though when I opened my eyes and saw a kid walking though. Luckily I didn’t recognize the kid, and he probably didn’t recognize me either. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was so surprised of how I looked. For a very long time now, I had always dreamed I would be wearing makeup in public one day, and now the day had finally come.
The next part was pretty difficult for me, getting into the school and getting dressed. Luckily, I didn't notice any odd stares when walking past the staff upon entering. However, I almost panicked when an after-school teacher meeting just let out, and all of the teachers were walking right past me, one of them even said hi to me. So after that near-death experience (and yes that was me being sarcastically melodramatic, I'm not that emotional), I was able to go into the bathroom and finally get changed into my girl sweatpants and hoodie (which BTW is a beautiful pink hoodie with "GRL PWR" on it). From there, I was luckily able to cover my girl hoodie in the hallway with my heavy Wrangler jacket.
The hardest part of this entire experience was entering the room itself. This was a very nervous move for me, especially since the meeting was already 30 minutes in, and walking in late would certainly attract all the attention. Even though I attended a previous GSA meeting and came out to the crowd, it was only about my sexuality, not my gender identity. Come to think of it, I might be the only currently-transitioning transgender in my school, and this would certainly be a really shocking way to come out. After 5 minutes of sitting outside the classroom against the wall, I finally mustered up the courage to walk in, and did not regret that decision. After walking in, I realized that there was really nothing to worry about. I found my friends, sat down, and we talked just as we normally did. I actually got a few compliments about my hoodie from some kids I never met. And even though I was still a bit nervous from wondering what the rest of the people that didn't say anything thought, my fears were quickly resolved when my wonderful instructor gave me a pat (Seriously you are the best!!! 🤗).
In conclusion, If you're in a similar situation and nervous about revealing your true identity, just go for it. To be honest, I do not consider myself attractive in the slightest sense, however when I finally looked at myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how I looked. Don't be afraid of what other people may think, because chances are if someone's in the GSA, they're probably not gonna judge or hate you for your identity. Trust me, you'll not regret it, and in the end you'll feel amazing.
The next part was pretty difficult for me, getting into the school and getting dressed. Luckily, I didn't notice any odd stares when walking past the staff upon entering. However, I almost panicked when an after-school teacher meeting just let out, and all of the teachers were walking right past me, one of them even said hi to me. So after that near-death experience (and yes that was me being sarcastically melodramatic, I'm not that emotional), I was able to go into the bathroom and finally get changed into my girl sweatpants and hoodie (which BTW is a beautiful pink hoodie with "GRL PWR" on it). From there, I was luckily able to cover my girl hoodie in the hallway with my heavy Wrangler jacket.
The hardest part of this entire experience was entering the room itself. This was a very nervous move for me, especially since the meeting was already 30 minutes in, and walking in late would certainly attract all the attention. Even though I attended a previous GSA meeting and came out to the crowd, it was only about my sexuality, not my gender identity. Come to think of it, I might be the only currently-transitioning transgender in my school, and this would certainly be a really shocking way to come out. After 5 minutes of sitting outside the classroom against the wall, I finally mustered up the courage to walk in, and did not regret that decision. After walking in, I realized that there was really nothing to worry about. I found my friends, sat down, and we talked just as we normally did. I actually got a few compliments about my hoodie from some kids I never met. And even though I was still a bit nervous from wondering what the rest of the people that didn't say anything thought, my fears were quickly resolved when my wonderful instructor gave me a pat (Seriously you are the best!!! 🤗).
In conclusion, If you're in a similar situation and nervous about revealing your true identity, just go for it. To be honest, I do not consider myself attractive in the slightest sense, however when I finally looked at myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how I looked. Don't be afraid of what other people may think, because chances are if someone's in the GSA, they're probably not gonna judge or hate you for your identity. Trust me, you'll not regret it, and in the end you'll feel amazing.
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