We Dress Like Students, We Dress Like Housewives

Hello Fellow Princesses!!!

It's Hard to Express Yourself When You Have a Double Life.

In the eyes of my friends and family, I'm just a normal dude. Nobody besides from my trusted friends knows that I'm trans. And honestly, it's very, very stressful. So basically at home and at school, I dress in guy clothes and I act like a guy. But sometimes I get creative, I like to wear my girl sweatpants and underwear, sometimes even my girl hoodie, underneath my regular guy clothes. This is probably the most stressful part of all this, I never really know if my clothes will ever slip and reveal my girl clothes underneath to everyone, which would probably be the most embarrassing thing to have to deal with. I could just not wear the clothes underneath and not have to worry, but then I would never get really wear them besides from at 3:00 AM when my parents are asleep (which is a great idea btw if you're wondering), and honestly girl clothes are so soft they are so worth it. I honestly hate guy clothes so much, they are so uncomfortable and ugly when compared to girl clothes. When I'm not wearing my girl clothes. I have to hide them in my room. This is incredibly difficult because my family are always in my room looking for things, so at any given time they could potentially find them, something that would be very hard to explain.

Now when you read the title of my blog, "Trans on a Tractor", you may be wondering the reasoning behind it. So basically like most guys, I have to do yard-work and other things like working on cars and working with landscaping around the house. If you couldn't guess it, I really don't like getting my hands dirty (hence the whole wanting to be a girl thing). I'm really just a princess who's trapped inside a man's body, and therefore, Trans on a Tractor.

Another part of my double life so to speak is my friends. Now while I do have plenty of LGBT+ friends, the majority of my so called "friends" are straight males. While there's nothing wrong with them for being straight and white, there is something wrong with their sense of humor. Basically, in order to fit in, I hang out with "bros". Kids who have a, well let's say "edgy" sense of humor. A sense of humor that involves using the word fag quite frequently. They also like to make fun of transgenders as well. They make all of these horrible, disgusting jokes right in front of me. And the worst part is, I have no choice but to laugh with them. Now you may be thinking why would I purposely surround myself with these people, and the truth is, I really don't have a choice. I don't have that many friends, and because of my low self esteem, my group of friends is the only thing I have.

So the main question here is, if I don't like having to hide my identity and hang out with homophobic kids, why don't I just come out? Well it's not something I ever plan on doing, ever. While I do hang out with some-what popular kids, I still get bullied a lot in school. Unfortunately I'm well known enough to get made fun of, so me coming out would only be more fuel for their fire. Also, I have some pretty homophobic parents, so coming out is definitely not a possibility. Either way, I'm stuck with the life I have. Honestly I wish that I could have been born a girl, but that's life. Maybe when I'm older and I have my own place, then I could openly express myself.

Stayed Tuned My Fellow Princesses!!!